What Love Looks Like Page 9

  “I go to this bar all the time,” he said. “You’ll like it.” We walked another block until we turned into a tiny space with an all-white interior. White barstools, a white bar top, and white sheer curtains hung to the ground—not only on the windows but also everywhere I looked. It was inviting yet quintessentially cool. I didn’t catch the name, but I liked the atmosphere. Jay instructed me to take a seat at the bar. I did as he said, with my overnighter tucked safely beneath my feet.

  He wasn’t being chatty, but maybe he was just anxious. After all, I was on his turf now. He was the one who had to show me a good time. When the bartender came around, I ordered a Sauvignon Blanc, and Jay asked for a Jack and Coke. I was relieved that he wanted to go for drinks, since alcohol seemed to elevate our experiences together, making them far more stimulating. It made me uninhibited in his presence. I wanted to give him a weekend he wouldn’t forget, and come Sunday, leave him wishing that I’d never gone.

  Jay loosened up with the first sips of his drink. We were “us” again the moment he placed his hand on the small of my back and pulled me close for a wet, forceful kiss.

  “So how was the flight?” he asked.

  “Not bad. I slept for some of it.”

  “Good, I’m glad you rested. Because you’re going to need your energy.” He kissed me again.

  “Oh? What do you have in store for tonight?”

  “Later on we’re meeting up with a few of my boys. But before that, I thought we might spend a few hours in my bed, naked. I want to do things to that body I’ve been thinking about ever since I last saw you.”

  I felt the hairs on my arms stand up, and my stomach fluttered. I blinked slowly and pursed my lips together, and then finally took a sip of wine. Being in the city added a layer of sex to everything.

  “That sounds perfect.” I leaned in for a kiss. It didn’t last long, though, since the bar was getting crowded as people poured in after their workdays. “It’s getting busy here.”

  “Everywhere in New York is busy all the time.” He sipped his drink. “You’re going to like it here a lot. You might not even want to go home. I might not want you to either.”

  I couldn’t resist him for another moment. “Can we get out of here?” I asked.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Two shots of Patron Silver, and then we’ll cash out,” he said to the bartender. A moment later, we each shot our tequila; my throat was on fire as I did so. Jay left fifty dollars on the bar and escorted me by the hand back out onto the street.

  As we walked, he curled me into his arms amid the throngs of people headed in both directions. Suddenly, he backed me up to the narrow brick wall separating one business from the next and made love to my mouth again. Obviously, he was comfortable with public displays of affection. And at that moment, so was I. It was New York, which translated to “anything goes.” Because of the sheer number of people who lived there, it was easy to feel anonymous. I felt high from Jay’s energy and the vitality of New York. I was wet in between my legs, and warm everywhere else. My brain was swimming in white wine and tequila, which, on an empty stomach, had gone to my head quickly; the alcohol was also working synergistically with the high I was getting from my surroundings.

  Pushed against the wall, I felt his throbbing erection pressed between his thighs, which sent my libido into a tailspin. When he finally let up, ending the kiss and shifting his pelvis from mine, he smiled wickedly and led me farther down the street and into a nondescript white doorway. We hurried up to the second floor. An older couple passed by us, probably visiting their son or daughter, since they didn’t look the type to live in such a building. They eyed us. Our lust must have been palpable, for their eyes seemed to disapprove of whatever it was they thought we were doing. I couldn’t give them a second thought, though, because Jay pulled me into his apartment, which wasn’t quite as small as I’d expected.

  It was maybe eight hundred square feet, but he’d maximized the space well. The walls were entirely brick with some exposed pipes in the ceiling. The kitchen was built into one narrow wall. The bedroom stuck out into the living room but was partitioned by a bamboo screen. The apartment was masculine, even in its scent. Traces of cologne combined with a sage and cigarette aroma. The place had the same sexy quality Jay did.

  He didn’t bother giving me a tour—not that I really needed it since there was just the main studio space. His lips were back on mine, ferociously moving all over the place, his tongue thrusting wildly into mine. Grabbing my breasts over my top, he grunted with primal pleasure. He paused briefly, his green eyes staring directly into mine, before he smiled and lifted my tunic over my head. Standing there in his kitchen, he tugged at my breasts, occasionally exposing one and putting his mouth to it.

  He led me to his unmade bed, which was smaller than I’d anticipated. I took the few seconds I had to remove my shoes, socks, and leggings on my own. I stood back up and unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his chiseled chest and admiring his streamlined shape.

  “This is going to feel good, baby, I promise,” he said.

  “I can’t wait.”

  He smiled, unbuttoning his pants and then pushing me flat onto his bed. I was in only my undergarments. He knelt over me, just tracing his fingers on my stomach.

  “You’re so hot,” he said.

  He reached around my back and unhooked my bra, immediately scooping my breasts again into both hands and teasing them until the nipples hardened. I’d never cared much for foreplay when it came to my chest, but there was a direct and proportionate reaction between my legs when Jay fondled my breasts. I was so ready for him to be inside me.

  He was lying on me, and his body felt cool and firm. His face was glued to mine as he kissed me hungrily. With one hand remaining on my breast, he reached down to my inner thigh, tickling it gently. I was on the edge of elation, and he hadn’t even penetrated me yet. First he rubbed his hand over my underwear. “You’re so warm,” he said, fondling every inch of my hips and thighs. As dirty talk had never been my forte, all I could do was moan with pleasure.

  He moved my underwear to the side, and massaged me precisely with his finger from top to bottom. “And wet. You’re so hot,” he whispered again.

  “So are you. Can you fuck me now? I’m dying here.”

  He smiled. “Not yet, I want to go down on you first.”

  My breath deepened, and my mouth fell open at the suggestion.

  Jay grabbed a pillow and placed it underneath me so my hips were a few inches higher than the rest of my body. Once he removed what remained of my undergarments, every inch of me was exposed and completely under his control. He lifted me up from under my thighs, raising me even higher. I could see everything perfectly, since it wasn’t even dusk yet and light streamed through the windows. It was noisy outside, but I didn’t mind terribly. I could hear the hustle and bustle, but it only added to the thrill of the experience. I was completely seduced by a man I utterly adored while the world went on beneath us. And I would have three days of him having his way with me.

  Finally, after alternating between blowing on me and gently toying with me with the tips of his fingers, his mouth launched a full-on assault between my thighs. I felt as if every inch of me was inside his mouth. His tongue was tangled up inside of me, and because I was so taut, so exposed because of how he'd positioned me, I didn’t know how I could possibly hold back more than a minute or two. My back was arched from the pillow beneath me, so my pelvis was pointed up at his face. He just kept pulling me in closer, burying his head in me as his tongue coaxed me into satisfaction.

  Finally, he dropped one of my legs and propelled one finger inside of me, and the rest of them added to the pleasure that his tongue was already delivering. All at once, I could barely hold back and wanted to finish all over him.

  “It feels so good,” I whispered.

  “Come for me.”

  “I don’t want it to be over!” I squealed. He laughed a little, and kept on bludgeoning me with his fi
ngers and mouth. As he lifted me just a touch higher, I felt myself reach the point of no return. “Oh my God.” My breath grew even deeper. “Here it comes!” I whimpered with fulfillment as he continued to hammer into me until every last ounce of pleasure in me was spent. I was done.

  He lowered me but kept the pillow in place. He hoisted himself up, wiped his mouth, and smiled at me like a child with an ice cream cone.

  “How was that?” he asked.

  “You have no idea. It was mind-blowing.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He lowered himself over me, coming down onto his forearms, and before I knew what was coming, he thrust himself into me, bringing feelings of ecstasy I didn’t know I had left. He lifted my leg again as he forced himself in and out of me. Now he was the one in ecstasy. I grabbed him by the rear end, coercing him to move in and out even harder, even faster.

  Midway through, he instructed me to get on my hands and knees. As he positioned himself behind me, I braced myself for what was to come. Penetrating me from behind, he went even deeper, sending me screaming. The pleasure was so intense that it almost felt like pain. He grabbed my hands, forcing my head to fall into the mattress. I was at his mercy. His rhythm was regular, and his thrusts never faltered. As he moved, he moaned, calling out my name. As he finished, he screamed my name even louder, and in some insane way it made me feel exceptional. He could have anyone he wanted, and yet there I was, making love to him, while he called my name out loud.

  Wiping his brow, he sighed and toppled over next to me, still mildly erect. We were twisted in his sheets; our limbs sprawled in every direction. After a few moments of silence, I reached for him, and he pulled me closer. He kissed my earlobe and stroked my hair several times.

  “You were so hot,” he said.

  “You did all the work.”

  He laughed. “Well, you took it like a champ. We have all weekend for more of that. For now, let’s just rest.” I closed my eyes at his command. I wasn’t necessarily tired, but I would have done anything he asked me to.

  I did fall asleep, though, and when I awoke I was blissfully unaware of where I was for the first few seconds. All I knew was that I felt complete and satisfied. My anxieties about where our affair was headed now seemed in the past. We were perfect together. In Jay's presence, I felt divine once again, and I wrote off our previous struggle to talk to one another as a figment of my imagination. Like they always did, my self-created fears had just gotten in my way.

  I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand: 7:42 p.m. I’d slept for almost an hour. Jay was on the other side of the bed, lying flat on his back, a limb in every direction. I was taking up a tiny corner, curled in the fetal position. I wished that I’d fallen asleep in his arms, but there was plenty of time for spooning in the nights to come. The sheets were a disaster, and our clothes were strewn about as if an act of domestic violence had taken place.

  It was only our second time sleeping together, but it appeared we had very few kinks to work out when it came to sex. My mind felt full and satisfied. So did my female parts, for that matter. I stretched my body and heard my stomach grumble loudly. With the sound, Jay awoke. He instinctively rolled over to face me and placed his hand directly on my belly.

  “You hungry?” he asked groggily.

  I nodded. I hadn’t eaten all day, though my appetite momentarily subsided when I looked at Jay’s disheveled hair, spread down onto his forehead. His stomach was concave, with not an ounce of fat anywhere on him. It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen his body before. But every time I saw it, I swooned all over again. I gently propped myself up against his headboard, which backed up to a wall of exposed brick. I took a minute to really look around at the apartment for the first time. Nothing hung on any of the walls. It felt industrial, modern, and masculine.

  “Dinner reservations aren’t until ten. Can you wait a little longer?” he said.

  I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since the day before, apart from a few pretzels on the plane. I was a little frustrated that he was asking me to wait another two hours before getting food into my stomach.

  “Sure.” I wanted to seem unhurried, not like the ravenous beast inside me. Hunger pangs tugged at my stomach, but I tried to mentally suppress my starvation by thinking about how lucky I was to be there in Jay’s apartment.

  Once Jay got into the shower, I removed my clothes from my luggage and hung each item one by one in his tiny closet. I hadn’t taken the time to do so before our romp in the sack and was relieved to see that nothing had been severely wrinkled during my flight. I’d spent so much time packing everything impeccably that I’d have been aggravated if anything was creased beyond repair.

  Though there wasn’t a light inside Jay’s closet, my eyes landed on an inconspicuous purple shoebox in the back corner. The shower was running, and I figured that Jay wouldn’t be out for at least another ten minutes. I knew that snooping was an act of desperation, but I couldn’t help myself. I slid the box out of the corner and opened it. It was filled with a woman’s possessions. Included were a pair of earrings, a condom, a toothbrush, and a pair of panties, among other things. My empty stomach felt even more cavernous, and I could feel my face twisting into a scowl.

  I quickly put everything back in its proper location and made the closet look exactly as it had when I found it, apart from my clothing. I couldn’t ask Jay about the shoebox because then I would have to admit that I'd poked around. But I couldn’t get the thought of it out of my head. The box wasn’t dusty, and the contents didn’t look as if they’d been in it long. I was alarmed, but there was nothing I could do but act as if everything was fine, exactly the way I always did around Jay.

  11

  After Jay showered, it was my turn. I smiled as he dragged his hand across my naked body as our paths crossed. I quickly soaped up my body and was careful not to get my hair wet. Standing in the nude with only a wall separating Jay and me, I prayed that he wouldn’t notice if the shoebox had shifted slightly. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it, but I chalked it up to his probably just being forgetful. Probably the box had been there for quite some time and Jay had completely forgotten about it. I definitely wasn’t going to let one little shoebox ruin our weekend together.

  I ran a straightening iron over my hair, using just a dollop of frizz serum and adding a little bit of wave by tying it into a low ballerina bun for a few minutes, something I’d done almost every single day for as long as I could remember. While my hair was acquiring waves, I applied five minutes' worth of makeup and got dressed. I wore a one-shoulder black minidress with ruching down both sides. Modish costume jewels embellished the shoulder, which made the dress glamorous even before adding accessories. I added a large cocktail ring and a pair of crystal drop earrings. To finish my look, I threw on a white blazer from Zara and plain black pumps. The ensemble was edgy; there was nothing soft about it. It felt apropos for New York and even elicited a whistle from Jay when I exited the bathroom; he was at his kitchen table drinking an Amstel Light.

  He’d only taken about twenty minutes in total to get ready for the night, and of course I was pleased with the outcome. He wore a slender roughed-up pair of jeans with a soft, fitted, long-sleeved black Henley and vintage-looking distressed black leather loafers. As I walked by him, he pulled me in close from behind, making sure our private parts touched constantly when we embraced. He kissed my neck, softly for a change, as I took a deep breath of his cologne.

  “I’m going to get hard again if we keep doing this,” he said.

  “Well you started it,” I whispered in his ear. “And is that such a bad thing?”

  “Definitely not a bad thing—except with you, I don’t want a quickie. There are still things I want to do to you, and a five-minute fuck session just won’t do them justice. So it’ll have to wait until after dinner.” His hand crept down my ass and between my legs. Suddenly it was up my dress.

  “Stop,” I said, fighting the urge to tug at his hair.

  “Wh
y?”

  “You’re turning me on.”

  “That’s the point. I want you to think about fucking me all night long. It’ll be that much sweeter when we get back.”

  “Where are we going, anyway?” My empty stomach writhed in anticipation of dinner. I realized I had no idea what awaited me for the remainder of the trip. Of course, I knew sex would be big on the agenda, but I also hoped to see some of the city.

  “A place called Beauty and Essex. It’s on the Lower East Side.” He turned off the lights in the apartment and led me out the door, though not by the hand as I’d hoped he would.

  “Interesting name,” I said.

  “Interesting place, you’ll see.”

  The cab ride was twenty-five minutes of pure terror, and I wondered if he driver might have been suicidal. He drove in such a way that if I’d had eaten lunch that day I certainly would have lost it.

  “Do they always drive like this?” I asked Jay softly.

  “Like what?” He seemed oblivious to my panic. I took it as a yes. “Are you having fun so far?”

  “Absolutely.” It was a better response than what was really in my head: Jay Conrad, I’m having the time of my life, and sex with you has been the most validating experience I've ever had. If our relationship doesn’t work out, I’ll be lost again. Simply being in your presence makes me feel sexy, powerful, and popular—all the things that I’ve never felt before. Can I move to New York and live with you? We can share your tiny apartment, have sex until we’re blue in the face, and I can walk around with you on my arm, thus substantiating my very existence.

  “Good.” He continued to glance out onto the street from the taxi and look at his phone sometimes. Lost in thought or in a text message? I couldn’t really tell. Perhaps he was just checking sports scores like my brother did all the time.

  The city sights overwhelmed me, as did the day I'd had with Jay; his presence alone was all I needed. With the connection we shared, conversation was practically unnecessary. He’d mentioned that we'd be meeting a few of his friends for dinner, and while I was happy he was sharing his life with me, part of me had hoped it would be just the two of us. Winning him over was a task in and of itself, but garnering the approval of his undoubtedly cool friends was more than I was ready for. But I was in Jay’s company, so I couldn’t complain.